Who am I?

I am nobody.

May 30, 2023, the course of my life had completely changed. It was Memorial Day. Like every Memorial Day before this one, I always chose not to celebrate by having grand get-togethers or meeting up with acquaintances to reminisce about old times. However, my wife convinced me after much pleads for us to go out on an afternoon hike. I finally gave in to her request, and later that day we found ourselves hiking along the Mississippi River in Minnesota. But still, I was in a devilish mode because I did not want to be out that day. Sadly, I took my anger and frustration out on her. Memorial Day for me was always about finding alone time for myself so I can remember my Marine Corps brothers that have gone before me. So, clearly that was all I wanted to do.

Throughout the entire hike, our talk was little and my responses were followed with an angry snare. I just wanted to be alone that day. However, at the end of every Memorial Day for the past 17 years, I would always reach out to my Marine Corps best friend and comrade, Derek Penderson. Him and I would always share a laugh about those good times, whether it was by a phone call or a simple text message.

It was getting late, and the sun had already set behind the lake. I looked out it’s light one more time for that day, and I told myself, “I need to text Pendy.”

At 1900 exactly, I texted him, “Are you good bro.”

At 1903, I received a reply, “Umm I’m sorry to have to tell you this…Derek passed away this is his wife.”

That text changed the course of my life.

Sadly, my best friend took his own life a few days prior.

Since the day that I learned he had taken his own life, I regrettably convinced myself that this was my own fault. I should have seen the signs and the call for help, but I was just too distracted with my own agendas.

A few months later, I found myself in the same situation. I had no more agendas, desires, or self respect to even get out of bed. My life took a complete 180, and suicide seemed like it was my only option. My wife encourage me to seek professional help.

In 2023, I sought help for the Department of Veterans Affairs, and they provided the tools to get me back outside. It took courage to purchase my first camera, but after my first outdoor session, I finally felt free from the restraints of severe depression and mental health disorder. Therefore, I use photography as a means for therapy.

I am here to share my therapy vision through my camera lens.